Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?