I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?