youre lurking in front of me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year