What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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