This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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