did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.