There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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