I just saw a hot homeless man
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.