I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high