My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
