You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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