did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
