"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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