Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
