I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
