Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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