i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
