he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
