One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
