READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
