Christians are straight up FREAKS
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
