so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
