guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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