Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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