I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize