I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she smelled like a LAN party
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
