is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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