Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
