If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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