Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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