i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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