we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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