We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
