It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
