i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
