i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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