he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
