The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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