Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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