ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
