In the future we'll all be gay
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
