I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
