Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
