he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
