if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
