I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
