I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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