Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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