That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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