I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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