The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
