You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
