i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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