I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
