im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
