I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
