I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize