I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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