I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
