Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
