guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
