Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
