Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
