ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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