I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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