just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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