Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Help. Why am I so naked?
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