Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
