i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
