I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
