All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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