its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
